Anything For You
by Raihne
Summary: After Buffy dies Spike goes looking for something to take his mind off of her. What he finds is that Xander has a few secrets he's been keeping. When Buffy comes back though, will everything change? Slash SX


Title: ** Anything For You**   
Author: Raihne   
Fandom: Buffy   
Pairing: Spike/Xander   
Summary: After the Buffy Bot is destroyed, Buffy visits Spike, but what if it wasn't really Buffy?   
I've read countless fics where Buffy and Willow take Xander's love for Spike badly   
and decided to write one where they know from the start, just to see if I could.   
Warning: As most of you know I don't really keep up on the series and so I might have gotten   
things wrong because all I saw was a clip of the scene between Buffy and Spike at   
the very end. So just consider this AU 'k? ^_^V   
Archive: 'Course! Just tell me and link back to my page ne? 

C&C? please? Por favor? Seivousplait? Onegai? I can't spell them all but you get the just of it.   


* * *

  
**Part 1**   


Xander clenched his teeth and wiped his eyes with one harsh swipe. It wasn't supposed to hurt this bad! Spike was a soulless monster and he wasn't supposed to give a damn how he felt but. . . //I should have just let things be. I should have just let it go. Should have. God I give myself great advice if I'd ever listen don't I.// 

Three sets of worried eyes blinked up at him from the foot of the bed. "He made daddy cry again Yrral." 

"Why are you sad Xan-daddy?" 

Chocolate eyes shook with suppressed tears and Xander shook his head. "It's nothing guys. Did you have a bad dream?" 

They answered all three at the same time. "Yes." 

He smiled his best 'I'm not hurting so bad' smile and lifted the blankets, "Come on then." 

Surrounded with love, Xander felt like nothing mattered but the three demons who called him daddy. But there was always a platinum blond shadow hanging in his heart. //I really should have left it alone.// 

"Daddy." 

"Hm Ssol?" 

"Sleep." The little silver demon ordered. 

Xander grinned, "Yes sir!" 

Essej blinked at his brothers and cuddled closer to his daddy. //He made daddy sad again.// 

~~Flashback~~ 

//A Buffy Bot?// Xander watched incredulous as Buffy glared at her friends and announced she was going over to kick Spike's ass for that. 

"Wait, Buffy!" 

She turned with a glare that left the minuet she saw her friend's heartbroken face. The funny, loyal boy had come out as gay to them all a long time before. Anya didn't care, she just wanted her orgasms, so she helped him keep up his mask for the rest of the world. This wasn't the rest of the world though, this was their small, family-like group. And they all knew just where the chocolate eyed boy's feeling lay. 

"Xander. . ." Willow began but Buffy cut her off. 

"I can't let the blond menace get away with this just because you LIKE him Xander! It was disgusting! Imagine what he must have 'done' to that thing, I. . ." She caught her thoughtless words back as Xander's face crumbled before her eyes. "I mean. . ." 

"Let me go." 

"It wouldn't be. . ." 

"Willow can zap me. I'll go as you. Please Buffy." 

Willow closed her eyes and nodded and Buffy frowned, hurting for the friend she'd come to care for like a brother. 

It didn't take much. A glamour to hide his appearance, a potion to cover his scent, and an auditory spell to create Buffy's voice. He walked to Spike's crypt in a haze. What to say, what would he do? 

Buffy and Willow watched their comrade go with equal heartaches for him. "Why Spike?" The slayer whispered. "Why couldn't he have liked any other boy in Sunnydale?" 

"You don't choose who you love." 

"I wish. . ." 

Willow nodded and bowed her head. "Me too."   
__________________ 

Xander checked that the glamour was in place and slowly opened the crypt door. His heart was racing and he swallowed back tears at Spike's battered form so cold and still on the slate bed on the center. //Buffy Bot, think Buffy Bot. . .// "Spike! You're covered in sexy wounds!" //God I wish I could take them for you. Spike. . . // 

The Bleached blond moaned and rolled into a sitting position offering Xander a good look at his clear blue eyes. He was honest now. No masks. Why would he wear them here? It was just him and his robot. "Yeah." His voice was so tired Xander had to fight to just stand and watch. "I feel real sexy." 

//Spike.// 

"Where've ya been?" 

"I fell down and got confused." Xander nodded and put on a serious face. //I've been confused since I met you.// "Willow fixed me. She's Gay!" 

The vampire looked confused now and Xander wished to god that he could take that look away and give Spike all of the answers he needed. Wasn't going to happen. //If wishes were horse demons I'd be trampled or something like that.// 

"Will fixed you?" 

Xander's heart ached at the familiar nick name coming from Spike's lips. It hadn't even been intended, just came out. Like he was really part of their family. 

"I thought they'd melt you into scrap." 

He kept innocent eyes on Spike as his thoughts were in turmoil. //I didn't want to kill your robot. If it made you happy I would have let you use it. You can use me, if it makes you happy.// "They were confused too." //Buffy Bot think Buffy Bot// "Do you wanna ravage me now?" //Please?// 

The vampire didn't meet his gaze as he replied, "Give us a minuet. Got some bones that need mending." 

//Spike. I'll take your pain. Please let me take your pain from you. I can't stand it when you look so sad!// "Why did you let that Glory hurt you?" 

"She wanted to know who the key was." 

Xander's heart bled and he spun around without thinking, "Well I can tell her and then you won't have to. . ." 

"No!" 

That keening plea stopped his hurt anger and the disguised boy turned back to the one he loved so secretly as the blond began coughing from the strain of his earlier plea. 

"You can't evah" Their eye met and the human fought to keep his blank and robotic. "Glory nevah finds out." 

"Why?" He asked even if he knew why. and each emotion filled word Spike uttered through his split and bleeding lips send needles of pain into his heart. Spike was talking with the love Xander had pleaded with the Gods to turn his way. Love for Buffy. And Spike was hurting from it so much! //Well I'm Buffy now. I can help him this time.// 

Before he could think about it, Xander bit his lips to make them more full and feminine and leaned forward. The meeting of his lips to Spikes was brief and as full of pain for Xander as it was pleasure for Spike. He pulled back, hiding his pain and saw the confusion on Spike's chiseled features. //and you'll never know that was from me. You'll have gotten your kiss and that's that. Buffy kissed you. Be happy now. I need to know you're ok.// 

"And my robot?" 

Xander tossed out the first explanation for the thing's demise he could think of, Buffy's voice grating on his nerves. If only he could hate her for the pain she put Spike through. Then he heard Spike's labored breath and realized how harsh he'd been. He couldn't let Spike hurt. Couldn't. 

The boy walked back up to the vampire and met his eyes, "What you did for me. . . and Dawn. . ." //And what I feel for you// "That was real." 

Spike looked at the glamoured boy in quiet question but the pain was eased. That was why he'd said what he did. 

"I won't forget it." 

~~End Flashback~~ 

Now Xander had to live with that. With a little taste of what he wanted and needed so badly and it was killing him! 

It had only been a little while since Buffy'd died. Spike was still grieving. He'd been locked in his tomb for so long. . . and Xander couldn't even comfort him because all it had been was an illusion. Buffy had kissed the blond poet. Not him. //Buffy.// Xander grit his teeth. //Do you know how lucky you were?// "You had him. If you had wanted him he was right there. Waiting. And I was waiting for him. And now we're both fucked aren't we." 

The wind blew in from the open window and suddenly Xander just felt trapped. He had to get out of the house. Away from the walls. He'd left Anya after the kiss. Even if it had been a lie, he had kissed Spike and no one else would ever kiss his lips again unless it was Spike. He didn't want to erase the feeling . . . //Gods I'm pathetic.// He kissed his children in the forehead and whispered, "Your going to be ok. . . I just can't 'do' this any more." 

They remained sleeping softly as he closed the door and walked out into the Sunnydale night. Not safe at all, especially now with Buffy gone, But Xander wasn't looking for 'safe'. 

When the demon came out of the shadows he didn't even bother to fight it off. This was best. It would all end once the thing killed him. All end. all end. all. . . a blinding pain ripped through his back and he fell forward. It was going to eat him alive. //I'm sorry guys. So sorry.// He closed his eyes and let the pain take him into unconsciousness. it was better this way. all end.   
____________________________ 

When he woke up, Xander realized three things at once. One; he wasn't dead. Dead couldn't hurt like his back did at the moment. Two; he was laying on something hard and cold. Stone. Why was he laying on stone? and Three; This place smelled like Spike. SPIKE?! He surged up and screamed as the wound on his back ripped open again. "SHIT!" 

"Stupid Git! Lay down 'n let it heal! Bloody wanker." 

"S. . . spike?" 

"What the Hell were you doing?!" 

"Uh. . . panicking?" He squeaked, "I'm real good at it." 

"I mean with the demon you soddin. . . you weren't even trying!" 

"What's it to you? So I wasn't fighting big shit there. Why didn't you just leave me?" 

"You're her friend." 

Xander flinched, "You really know how to hurt a guy don't you." He stood carefully and hobbled to the door. 

"Where do you think yer goin'?" 

"Home." 

"Ya won't make it half way like that." 

"Maybe I don't want to." 

"SHIT! What is WITH you?!" 

"No one." He deadpanned. 

"Wait!" 

Xander froze and Spike was silent. "Well?" 

"I don't. . ." He lowered his eyes, "I don't want ta be alone." 

The human boy felt his heart contract. He knew what it was like to be alone. He would never make Spike go through it when he could help it. But the vampire had no idea what his request would cost Xander. 

"Pet?" 

He bit his lip and wiped his tears away before turning around. "Sure. Whatever." 

_____________________________ 

Spike couldn't figure the human out. It was like he didn't have anything to live for. What about the Demon bint? or Willow? what about his slayerette duties? The kid was a wreck and yeah the Slayer had died but it wasn't something the whelp would kill himself over. 

He'd smelled tears earlier, when he'd asked Xander to stay with him. Sure the human hid them well from another human, but tears had a distinct smell. //So why was he cryin'?// 

He let his pale blue eyes slip over the prostrate form currently on his slab and frowned. This was familiar behavior. This was how he'd behaved when Dru went and left him, minus the spill yer guts and binge part. //Thought he got over the slayer long time ago.// 

The brown hair had grown out a bit over the recent months and hung in Xander's face as his mouth opened in a wide snore. Spike caught himself smiling and clinched his jaw. //I do not smile at slab hogging slayer whelps!// 

"Mmm. love you. wanna cookie? You can share it. If you want it?" 

Spike rolled his eyes, the whelp even talked in his sleep? This was just what he needed. "Keep your bloody cookies mate." 

"Bloody cookies. Spike'd like those." 

"Oh for the love o' . . . don't you ever shut up?!" 

"s'rrieeeeeeeee." 

The vampire rolled the human over onto his belly and checked his back. It was healing nicely. Kid would be home in no time. //Good bloody riddance.// 

"Spike's sad now Buffy. You went away and made Spike sad. Mad at you." 

//What is he my protector now? Oh just fan- bloody -tastic that is!// 

"Don't cry Spike. I'm still here." 

Blue eyes closed in pain and Spike fished out a fag and walked out into the night for a spot of peace. //Yeah nummy. Yer still here. Till you die too.// He crushed the glowing thing to the cement and looked back toward the crypt silently. //Never love a human. Break yer 'eart they do. She did. One bloody kiss is all I have.// 

In the crypt Xander cried in his sleep. "Spike." 

* * *

  
**Part 2**   


When Xander woke up, Spike was gone. It was still dark out and the gapping tear along his back wasn't quite so gapping. //Gotta get out of here before he comes back. He got his kiss, that's all he has from her, and it wasn't even her. But I can't take it away from him. He only want's Buffy kisses just the same as I only want Spike kisses.// 

The boy, who was fast becoming a man, got up and pulled his jacket on only to realize there wasn't enough left of it to save. "Shit." He tossed it into the corner and walked out into the night. Even the vampires left him alone this time. His mood was projecting from him like a brick wall. 'Stay away or die!' 

Spike was walking back to his crypt with food for the git when he saw the boy leaving. He looked down at the take-out he held and tossed it away. //What was I thinking?! Just cause I promised to look after the Nibblet doesn't mean I'm supposed to cosey up to the slayer's minions.// He sniffed the air carefully and frowned, //tears again. For a boy raised in a country where men don't cry, he sure does it a lot.// 

//He's defenseless walking back to his place like that. Not even a stake. . . I should follow him, he might get hurt.// Spike quickly decided that the only reason he was worried was that Dawn had a crush on the clod and she'd be sad if he got eaten, and he followed him at a safe distance. Staying close until he opened the door to his apartment. The demon bint's smell was nowhere around the place, like she'd rarely if ever, been there. Funny that. //Something isn't right here. . .// 

He crept up to the window and listened through the open pane as the boy readied himself for bed. 

"Hey guys. Don't worry, I didn't die after all." 

Spike blinked and leaned closer, over the roof so he could see inside, he didn't smell anyone else with the whelp so who. . . 

Xander was sitting on his bed in just his pajama bottoms, while young Garkreshin lizard demons crawled around his lap, shoulders and back. The vampire almost jumped inside to save the fool but stopped when Xander rubbed one on the back lovingly. "I shouldn't have even tried. Sorry if I scared you." 

//Garkreshin grow up to be just about human size, a little larger than average maybe.// Spike ran through all Angelus had taught him about those specific demons, //And they don't age like humans, they age twice as fast until puberty when they gain immortality by . . . they drink blood! And the kids need fresh blood too, or they'll die! What is the whelp thinking?! Those things aren't pets! They could kill him when they get older!// 

Obviously he 'wasn't' thinking because Xander had just calmly offered his arm to the three and each was sucking blood from the limb while they lay in the bed like a mother cat and her kittens. "That's enough now guys. You know I can't give you much after an injury." 

"Xan-daddy?" The echoing, purr-like voice of the Garkreshin demons all spoke in tandem and Xander laughed. 

"Hm?" 

The largest child spoke first. "Don't go away daddy." Spike watched a black tear streak it's scaly silver skin. "We love you. 'We' can be your mates when we grow up. You don't need him." 

//Him? The whelp has a hard-on for a boy? This is interesting.// 

"Shh Ssol. I just want to be your daddy ok? Humans don't take there kids for mates. At least not the good ones." The pain in his voice told stories Spike didn't want to hear. Because he would want to kill then and he wouldn't be able to. 

"Why aren't we human too?" The smallest one asked softly, curling closer to his 'daddy's' warmth. 

"I told you that story." 

The middle sized one looked hopeful, "Tell it again?" 

Xander smiled and Spike almost fell off the roof. The smile went all the way to the whelp's eyes! He'd never seen the boy really smile before. He was almost ethereal when he did that. 

"Well Buffy and the rest of my pack were hunting one night and She told all of us to split up and cover more ground. I took the graveyard because. . . well just because." 

"Because 'he' lives there?" 

Xander's smile faded a bit, "shh." He shushed. "I just did." 

"ok." 

"The graveyard was completely dark. All of the streetlights around it were out and I couldn't see where I was going, but I heard a growlly sound." 

"It was mommy!" 

"Yeah, Essej, it was your mommy. She was fighting with a really nasty baddie and I slayed it for her but she was really hurt. She wasn't human but I hadn't noticed at first because she looked so close to a human girl. When I saw she wasn't I started to freak but she took my hand and pointed to a tomb really close by. She said something in a weird language and then when I didn't get it, she repeated it in English." 

"What did she say daddy?" Ssol pressed. 

"She said, 'my pups, my pups need me but I can't stay.'" He whispered and tucked them in warmer next to him and under the covers. "And she told me, 'you save demons, you are friend to me, love my pups for me. Love them like I do. They are good pups. Very good pups." 

"And so you found us in the tomb and took us home!" 

"Yrral! I want daddy to tell it!" 

"You told some too Essej!" 

Xander smiled and ran his hands through their hair, "hey now. you each told some ok?" 

"Tell us the rest daddy." The little one, Essej, pleaded. 

"I brought you back here and kept you safe just like your momma asked me to. I looked in the books Buffy's watcher keeps to figure out what kind of demons you were and I learned your language so I could teach you mine. And I found out what you needed to be healthy." 

"But you never told anyone." 

"Nope. Never." 

"Because Buffy lady might hurt us?" 

"No. Buffy lady was a good, good lady. She just wouldn't understand." 

"But she understood about 'him'?" 

Xander looked close to tears, "Yeah, she did." 

"Don't cry daddy." 

"We'll be here." 

"We wont go away." 

"I know babies." Xander hugged them all close to him and closed his eyes, "I know." 

Spike pulled back from the window and sat on the roof in thought. The whelp had surprised him. It was hard to surprise a master vampire, but the whelp had done it. Garkreshin demons. He had raised three Garkreshin for almost three years if their size was anything to go by. And they hadn't killed him. They called him 'daddy' for crying out loud! and Xander had called the slayer's minions his pack. A pack he was obviously Alpha male for. And he was in love with a guy, obviously a demon guy who lived in one of SunnyHell's cemeteries. //And he smiles like the sunshine.// 

The vampire made a decision. Xander was definitely not the lack-a-wit he'd tagged him as. He wanted to know more.   
____________________ 

Mmmm. . . Saturday. Xander rolled over in bed and floated in and out of sleep as he woke up slowly, a leisure he didn't normally get with work and the kids and. . . he shot to a sitting position, THE KIDS! Where did they go? Why hadn't they woken him up to say they were hungry?! He stumbled into the living room in a state of panic and his eyes widened at what he found. His beloved children. Essej, Yrral, and Ssol, all gathered around a grinning William the Bloody on the sofa and watching cartoons while they fed off of him hungrily and he drank enough blood to keep feeding them. They had never had such a large meal because Xander couldn't give that much and stay conscious. He felt a little betrayed that they were feeding off of someone else, but more so he was relieved that they were eating so well and it was giving him warm fuzzies to see Spike and his children gathered together like that. Almost like a family. 

"Daddy!" The kids jumped up and tackled their father figure to the ground giggling like no demon had ever been raised to do and talking all at once, in perfect tandem, as they tended to do when they got excited. 

"Spike came over before the sun came up!" They all said together, "He brought food and nummies for you and he let us drink from him 'cause he can drink more and it was good and we like him you were right daddy can we keep him please?!" 

Xander just starred and Spike grinned and helped him up, "Came over ta visit didn't I. The brats were a surprise. Shame on you pet, they're a chip of the ol'. You should bring them to the watchers and let them meet the 'pack'." 

The stare became a grimace and then a glare that bordered on fright, "What did you hear Spike." 

"Hear pet? Nothin' much. Lovely tale of woe an' all." 

Xander stiffened, "Guys, go into your room." 

"Why daddy? What's wrong?" 

"Spike and I need to talk is all. Tell ya what, go into my room and you can watch the tv in there ok?" 

They nodded and filed passed but Essej stopped at Spike and looked up, "If you hurt daddy we'll kill you. We can do that you know." 

"I'm sure ya can pet." Spike grinned and waited until the bedroom door shut, "So whelp what's up your. . . erk!" He found himself backed against a wall and held up by his neck. //Damn! Construction does a body good! Yum pet.// 

"You aren't going to use them to threaten me do you hear me? Threaten me all you want but don't use them. They're as close to family as I've ever had and I love them like they were my own. Hurt them and I'll show you just how 'much' good construction has done me. Understand?" He dropped the stunned vampire and Spike gapped up at him. 

"Did I say that out loud? . . . No. . . I know I didn't say it out loud." He stood and faced the boy, "You have quite a few secrets don't you nummy." 

"It's the kids." He sat on the couch and waited for Spike to do the same. "Garkreshin demons can give phycic powers to the person they feed off if it's over a long time. I guess it's so they know when to stop." 

"Wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done pet. Coulda killed ya." 

"They wouldn't. I've raised them for four years now." 

"Four?! Then they must 'ave been just born when you. . . 'ow could you keep this a secret?!" 

"I'm very good at hiding things Spike." Xander sighed and melted back into the couch. "You aren't going to tell anyone are you?" 

Spike grinned, "Nah pet, I like the li'l buggers, but I don't think the watcher or the witches would 'urt 'em. Might spoil them to death, but they wouldn' 'urt 'em." 

"I can't chance it. Not while they're still young." 

"They'll be tall as you are soon." 

Xander blushed, "But they're still my babies." 

The vampire shook his head. The whelp was a treat all right. And whadd'ya know. He hadn't thought of Buffy in almost 12 hours. Maybe he'd found his distraction. 

* * *

  
**Part 3**

After that first day Spike became a regular fixture in the Xander Harris household. He was there every morning on the weekends, feeding and playing with the kids so that Xander could get some sleep. He was there when Xander got off of work, fixing dinner and playing mr. mom to the three demons. 

It was one day two weeks later when Ssol called Spike Wil-Daddy that Xander realized what was happening. Spike 'was' their daddy almost as much as Xander himself. The kids were 'theirs'. He heart felt like it might beat out of his chest he was so happy! 

Spike turned to look at the wide eyed human and arched a brow, "What's wrong whelp? Your heart's all jumpy. You feeling ok?" 

"Y. . . yeah. I just. . . um. . . thank you." 

He smiled, "Told yah I like the whelps. You're not so bad either, when you're away from the minions." 

"The. . . oh! The Scoobies?" 

"Yeah. They aren't good for you." 

"Well maybe not. But they're my friends." 

"And now that . . . that the slayer is gone?" Spikes eyes fell and Xander ached. His happy home illusion was shattered. 

//He still loves her. I . . . why did I . . . Shit.// "We'll fight like we always did. Buffy was great, but we weren't half bad either." 

"You'll get killed quick out there without the slayer." 

Xander nodded and sighed then looked up at Spike with a serious look he almost never wore. One that said 'please listen to what I'm going to say, it's life or death to me'. "If I die Spike, will you raise the boys?" 

"Huh?! Me?!" 

"They already call you Wil'daddy." 

Spike blushed. "Heard that did you?" 

"And Ssol never says something unless he means it. None of them do. I'm human. I know I'll die and I could die any day on the Hellmouth. They need one of their daddies." 

"I. . ." Spike's blush deepened and Xander realized how that had sounded. 

"I didn't. . ." 

"Sure." 

"Wha. . .?" 

"I'll watch the whelps if something 'appens ta you." 

"Thank you." 

"Yeah yeah." He turned back to the stove but Xander caught his smile. Spike was pleased with the idea, and Xander was happy too. 

* * *

The week that Buffy came back to life, Spike didn't show up. Not even one day. Xander knew he was trailing Buffy like a lost puppy but he worried anyway. Since They'd become a suedo family Spike had never been gone longer than one night, and he'd been in trouble that night, almost caught in the sunrise! 

The fifth day he finally gave up worrying and decided to go look for the vampire. After tucking the kids into bed and giving them as much blood as he could spare, he kissed them on the brow and smiled down on them. "Guys, I'm going out to find your daddy ok?" 

"Is daddy ok?" Essej asked in a quiet voice. 

Xander nodded, "I'm sure he's fine, he's just. . . been busy." 

Yrral sniffled and gazed up and Xander with big eyes, "Is the Buffy lady going to take daddy away again? Like before?" 

"No. Buffy lady never took daddy away. She knows I love him. He takes himself away when she's around. But this time. . . I'll tell him. Ok? I'll tell him how I feel and maybe he'll stay with us ok?" 

"But what if he hates us for it?" 

"It'll be better than waiting for him to come home then wont it?" 

"I love Wil-dad Daddy." Essej sobbed. 

"We all do baby. I'll try to bring him home. I promise I'll try." 

They watched their daddy go and settled into an unpeaceful sleep full of worries and sadness. Their family was in trouble and not one of the small Garkreshin could do anything about it.   
_________________ 

Xander walked toward Buffy's house going over what to say in his mind. He knew Spike would be around Buffy so now all he needed to do was find the right thing to say. Somehow, 'I love you come raise baby demons with me' just didn't sound right. 

When he reached Buffy's block a tremor shook the sidewalk and he looked up to see Buffy's house shaking in it's foundation. "What the H. . ." He ran toward it praying as he went, "Please be ok, please be ok, please. . ." 

He froze outside the window. His heart flying into his throat. Buffy was fine. Spike was too. They were fine together. She was riding him and both were moaning in pleasure and lost to the world. Neither heard the gut wrenching sob from the boy on the other side of the broken window pane. And neither saw the face of the man they called friend crumble like a demolished dream. Xander backed up. eyes never leaving Spike's wonderfully happy face until the house blocked it from view. Then he ran. He until he could see his apartment building and then slowed down to a walk and fought to rein his agony in. The children had loved Spike too. They'd lost a daddy. Xander had only lost a hope. 

The kids were not blind. 

* * *

The minute their daddy walked in the children knew that something was wrong. He smelled like misery. "Dad?" Ssol walked forward only to be crushed in a 'human'-bone crushing hug. The Garkreshin hugged his Xan-daddy back carefully, knowing that humans were fragile creatures. Finally Xander collapsed right there. On the floor. He just couldn't stand up anymore. 

Essej and Yrral helped him to the bedroom and looked on worried. "What happened Ssol?" 

"He was so sad! His heart was screaming pain and I couldn't make it better." The demon looked away, "So I told him to sleep." 

"He needs sleep. You did the right thing." 

"Why did. . ." 

"Daddy is strong." The youngest sniffed, "He's a good human. No one can make daddy hurt out loud." 

Ssol blinked, "No one but the pack." He smoothed back Xander's hair, "And Wil." 

"But Spike loves daddy doesn't he? Isn't that what 'mates' means?" 

"Mates doesn't mean it when Spike daddy uses it. It just means friends." 

"Is Xan-daddy gonna die?" 

Ssol stood up and stomped to the door, "This kind of pain doesn't kill you." He growled and ripped it open. "They are NOT hurting our daddy again!" 

"Ssol!" The other two cried out but Ssol was gone. 

"He's going to face the slayer!" 

"Daddy Spike won't let. . ." 

"But the buffy lady is with him!" 

Yrral's eyes widened and he began to shake Xander in earnest, "Dad! Wake up! Daddy!" 

"What kind of sleep did Ssol put him in?" 

"I'm scarred Yrral!" Essej sobbed. 

Yrral held his little brother and kept a brave front, but he was shaking. //Xan-Dad, please wake up before Ssol. . .// He buried his face in his brother's hair, "Daddy." 

* * *

Willow's eyes shot to the store front when the bell rang once and then embedded itself in the wall next to her head, "Where are they?!" 

The witch backed up slowly and tried not to freak. No freakage going on there. //'eight year old kid' sized demon, just a nice human sized demon with silver white hair and eyes with catlike slits and silver scales. Nice demon, not really big claws, lizard tail, nothing to worry ab. . .// 

"WHERE?!" 

//Sharp fangs, lots of sharp fangs, oh shit shitshitshitshitshit! Ok now I'm freaked.// Willow looked around for a stake or any weapon, nothing. "Um who? I. . . Giles and. . . I mean, I don't. . ." 

"The slayer and the vampire." 

Giles ran into the main room when he heard the noise and tried to chant a spell but he was suddenly struck mute. 

"My daddy wanted to die because of them. Daddy never gives up! What did he see?! Where are they!"

"Ssol!" 

He swung around and saw Yrral and Essej run into the shop doors. "He's ok Ssol. He just needs to sleep! Calm down!" 

Willow blinked as the three almost identical demons hugged each other and her assailant began to cry. //No freakage here// she thought softly, //What did Buffy and Spike do to them?// 

The door opened again and Buffy and Spike both made their entrance. Buffy's hand went for a stake but Spike stopped her, "Boys? Where's your daddy? What happened?" 

They backed away and Willow saw hurt flash across Spike's eyes. 

The slayer had put the stake away and looked at Spike, "You know them?" 

"These Whelps' Daddy's me mate." 

"Don't say that!" Ssol and his brothers screeched in tandem. "Don't say that unless it's true." 

Spike took an involuntary step back, eyes wide. They had never yelled like that before. It was like they'd suffered some horrible los. . . "Where is he? Is he ok?" 

"Why would he be ok?! You crushed him! You are uninvited from our house. You're a bad man!" 

Spike's heart sank. Sure he was bad, but he loved the whelps almost like his own! Why. . . 

The door shattered as it was banged against the wall once again, "Guys!" 

"Xander!" 

Willow smiled but he didn't come to them, he ran to the demons and knelt on the floor at their feet, hugging their waists, "You're not staked! Oh thank god you're ok!" 

"Daddy!" They returned his hug and the slayer and slayerettes could only watch in shock, Spike in pain that he was no longer accepted by them. 

"Don't you EVER do that the me again! Do you know how worried I was! Do you have any idea what you just put me through?!" 

Willow blinked and looked at Buffy. "He sounds like my mom." 

Buffy nodded. 

The chocolate eyed boy hugged the three demons even tighter, "My babies. God I can't loose you! It would kill me to loose you guys!" 

"Us too daddy." They knelt on the floor with him and almost bowled him over with hugs and cuddles, "We're sorry." 

The sound of a throat clearing caused Xander to look up. //When did the scooby gang get here?// Oops. "Um. . . hi guys." 

"Xander what is going on?" 

"Well I. . . uh. . . that is. . ." He looked up and froze. "Spike." 

"Oh no you don't! Not my fault ya daft git!" 

The slayerette bit the inside of his cheek until it bled. //Spike. Buffy and Spike. Oh God.// He stood up and walked out, his three. . . _whatever they were_ walking behind him. 

Willow's eyes followed him. He had looked broken! Xander didn't break! He was the strong one. She looked at the others and finally registered how close Buffy and Spike were standing to each other. And that both had blotches on their necks. "Buffy." Her voice sounded so small! 

"Xander's finally gone off the deep end." Buffy breathed. "what happened?" 

"You did Buffy." Willow blinked back tears. 

"What? What did I do?" 

"You don't remember." The witch sat against the counter and buried her face in her hands, "Poor Xander!" 

"What? What don't I. . ." 

"THINK Buffy." 

The blond stepped back and blinked. 

"Xander trusted us with a secret two years ago. What was it?" 

"Secret crush." She answered without hesitation. 

"Who, Buffy." 

The slayer stiffened and her eyes darted to Spike, then to Willow. The witch nodded. "Oh no." 

Spike was getting really impatient, "Will someone Tell me what's going on?!" 

"I. . . I slept with. . . and Xander . . ." Her face was so hopeless! 

"Don't worry slayer, only one you slept with an a week is me. C'n smell it I can." 

The hopeless face became stricken and Spike's mouth dropped. "Shit." 

And the slayer cried.   


* * *

  
**Part 4**

Spike wandered down the streets of Sunnydale in a daze. After Willow's announcement he couldn't just stand there any longer. //The Whelp loves me. Me. I was the demon in the cemetery. I was the one he was all broken up for. I was the reason he wanted to die.// The vampire fought down the icky feeling creeping through his body. //I should be proud that I managed to cause all this damage even with the chip. . . but Xander. . . I don't want to hurt him. I like the bloody whelp! He's. . . he was my friend.// 

Without realizing he had come to stand in front of Xander's apartment complex. Blue eyes lifted to the Slayerette's windows and he watched the play of shadows behind the curtains while Xan got his kids ready for bed. //I used to help him do that. I was a part of that.// 

But it wasn't his problem! So the whelp had a stiff bit for him, it wasn't his fault the brat was so damned unlucky with all the girls he'd been with! It wasn't his fault the kid liked him more than he'd thought. //I have Buffy! The woman I've been after since the start of this whole bloody mess. I slept with her. Fucked her through the floor I did! Literally!. . . but. . . She never smiled like sunshine at me. Never told me she loved me. Never let me be a part of her family. . . but that isn't what I wanted from her!// 

The shadows gathered on the bed and Xander's voice carried through the open window, "Time to sleep now guys." 

"One story daddy?" They were talking in tandem again. Spike felt a smile form over his face in spite of himself. 

"Then you'll sleep?" 

Little Essej's voice peeped up, "After a song?" 

Xander was smiling, the vampire could hear it in his voice. "A story 'and' a song? I don't know. I think I'll need some extra goodnight hugs for that." 

Giggles wafted over the night air to the man below and Spike could picture the four of them wrestling for hugs and messing the neat bedding. 

"Now we have to make to bed again!" Xander sighed in mock exasperation. 

More giggles and rustling of cloth followed, "Now what story do you want to hear." 

"When you found out you loved Wil-daddy." 

"Essej!" The other two yelled at him. 

"Shh, it's ok." Xander was slipping into story telling mode. "It didn't happen all at once. Not like love at first sight. It started off as admiration. Spike was always so calm and cool and he acted like he knew exactly what he wanted and the world had better give it to him or else." 

"That's Wil-Daddy!" Ssol giggled. 

"I was watching him, to try to teach myself how to be that sure of everything, that's when I started to notice how blue his eyes are, and how his skin is the color of marble, and how his hair curls behind his ears. And I started to want him. To be close to him. It was a long time after, Spike got hurt and came to live with me. He wasn't a bad guy any more. . . well, at least he couldn't kill us, but I wanted to be careful anyway, so I tied him up." 

"To a chair!" 

"Hey! Who's telling this story?" 

More giggles and Spike found himself giggling too. 

"While he was living with me I realized that behind his beauty and calm, he was a really fun guy. He likes good music, he's got a great sense of humor, and soon, when I was around him, my whole body felt safe. It felt like Spike made me whole. And all other sorts of mushy grown up feelings." 

"When did you know you loved him?" 

Xander didn't speak for a while and Spike thought he might not answer. Then the voice rose again. "When Buffy started dating Riley, and we found out he was from the group that hurt Spike. I would have given everything I was to take the pain and fear and rage off of Spike's face. That's when I realized I loved him. Of course, I could never tell him. It's not that he's a vampire, it's that he's in love with Buffy. I couldn't take that away from him." 

"But Buffy lady knew you loved him?" 

"I had to tell her. He was hurt and the sun was going to come up. She told me to leave him. I got really angry and shouted it out." 

"But Wil-daddy was knocked up!" 

Spike choked and Xander chuckled, "Knocked out. He was knocked out." 

"Will he ever come back daddy?" 

"Yrral, if he's in love with Buffy then he's happy now. I would never take that away. That's what real love is all about. Wanting your loved ones to be happy." 

"We're happy daddy." 

Once again Spike could hear Xander's smile. "Then so am I." 

"Even if your heart is broken?" 

The smile faded a bit. "Even if my heart is broken." 

"Sing us a song now daddy." 

Spike almost spoke out loud, //Oh no you don't mate, you'll get it stuck in your head again!// 

"This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that doesn't end. . ." 

"Daddy!" 

Spike couldn't take anymore. He walked away from the apartment building and the giggles and songs and stories, and went home to his crypt. //So I'm not a part of the family anymore, so what? It isn't like I wanted to be. I was just distracting m'self!// He flopped down in the tomb and let his shoulders droop. "I was." 

* * *

The next night, everyone gathered at the magic box. Officially it was a research party, but really they just wanted to know what Xander was doing with the three demons. When the whelp walked in Spike stepped back into the shadows, forgotten by everyone present. The kids trailed in behind him, nervous about meeting the people from their daddy's bedtime stories. 

"Xander!" Buffy ran to him and hugged him tight, "I am so sorry! I really forgot! God I've been so messed up lately I. . ." 

"It's ok Buffy." He smiled, "Really." 

"Xan. . ." 

"I'm good. The kids are taking care of me." He stood between the three large demons and smiled, "This is Ssol, Yrral, and Essej. My kids." 

"Garkreshin." Giles' eyes were wide. "Garkreshin demons are very solitary creatures, a mother is with her children until the death. How did you. . . ?" 

"The death part happened early for their mom. They'd just been born. I rescued her from one of those slimy pink tentacle things. . ." 

"Bogyreate." Giles offered automatically. 

"Yeah the Booger rats." 

The kids giggles and Xander grinned at then and held them close. "She was dying and she told me where her babies were and asked me to take care of them." 

"So you did." 

"Of course." 

"How many years have you hidden this Xander?!" Willow asked in shock. 

"Four." 

"Four years. You've been living with three demons for four years and we never knew?!" 

"You've been preoccupied." 

"For four years?" 

Xander shrugged. 

Willow didn't let him off that easily. She looked at him with her puppydog eyes and sobbed, "We haven't been very good friends, have we." 

He shook his head, "You're great friends Wills. It's not like we never do anything together, you just don't come home with me or anything." 

Giles was the one to put them back on track. "And the Garkreshin?" 

He blushed, "They're my babies. I didn't want to overwhelm them with all of you.asking about them and questioning me and them. I knew you'd love them after you got to know them, but I didn't want to put them through all of this." 

"Then they found us instead." Willow pointed out. 

The three boys swayed a little and blushed then spoke in tandem, "Sorry." 

Giles blinked, "Extraordinary." 

Yrral froze and Ssol and Essej turned with him to face the shadows Spike was hiding in. "Wil-daddy." 

"'ey whelps. Thought I'd see 'ow you were gettin' along." 

All three of them back to stand in front of Xander and glared at the blond vampire. "Leave." 

"Guys!" Xander admonished, "Spike's part of the gang. He can be here if he wants to be." 

"No!" The were upset now, talking in tandem again. "He's a bad man!" 

"We talked about this." He sat them down on the couch and crouched in front of them. "Everything that happened was my own fault. Spike had no idea how I felt. He wasn't being a bad man. He can be happy now." The last was said in a whisper, but Spike caught it. And he felt horrible. 

"Are you?" Yrral demanded. "Are you happy that you aren't our daddy anymore?" 

Essej looked up with tears in his eyes. "Are you glad daddy's being sad so you can be happy?" 

Ssol wouldn't even look at him when he spoke, "Are you happy you have your Buffy kisses now? And all daddy has is one Spike kiss?" 

Xander shot up and gathered the boys together. "This was a bad idea. Come on guys. We're going home." 

Spike growled. "Wait!" 

He froze. //Shit!// 

"What is this about a Spike kiss?" He looked the whelp over carefully, "I never kissed you." 

Willow gasped, Giles began cleaning his glasses furiously, and Buffy groaned, "You DIDN'T!" 

"I. . . when Buffy came to you, after the Buffy Bot thing. . . it wasn't. . . it wasn't Buffy." 

Spike's eyes were wide. 

"You kissed him as me?!" Buffy grit her teeth. 

"You were hurting so much I thought. . . if I could give you one thing to hold onto. . ." 

"So you kissed me." //an' let me 'ave that comfort while you took my pain.// 

Xander nodded once then ushered the kids outside. "I'll uh. . . I'll see you guys later." 

The door closed and the scoobies began talking a mile a minuet. . . and Spike stood staring at the place Xander had stood. For ten minuets, maybe more, all he could do was stare. //'E loved me tha' much? 'E really is a white 'at.// 

~Are you glad daddy's being sad so you can be happy?~ 

//No. No I'm not.// 

~Are you happy that you aren't our daddy anymore?~ 

//Course not! Being a part of that was the best feeling I've ever. . . had.// He blinked in realization. "I love 'im." 

"What?" Willow turned and asked Spike, "Did you say something?" 

"Bloody 'ell. When did. . . How did I miss. . ." 

"Spike?" Buffy asked him cautiously. 

"I 'ave to go see Xan-pet!" He sped through the words and ran out the door leaving the scoobies once again in shock. 

"What was that all about?" Giles wondered out loud. 

Willow smiled. 

Buffy smirked, "Looks like Spike finally got a clue." 

"Do you think Xander will listen to him?" 

"He's in love!" 

"He's been hurt." 

Buffy deflated quickly. "Shit." 

"Lets go before we end up picking up the pieces." Giles groaned and led them after Spike. This could shape up to be a disastrous confrontation. 

* * *

**Part 5**  
  
Xander ushered his children home quickly. He didn't like them being out on the Hellmouth at night. "Come on guys, bath then bedtime okay?"   
  
"Daddy?"   
  
He smiled, "I'm okay. You don't die from . . . disappointment." He refused to say 'broken hearts' his heart was NOT broken. It was cracked is all. The boys kept it from breaking. He'd always have his boys. "Come on, you smell like demons."   
  
Essej giggled, "We are demons."   
  
Xander pretended to look shocked. "Why, so you are!" He pulled the little one's shirt up over his head and herded the three of them into the bathroom. "rub a dub dub, three Garkreshin in the tub."   
  
A pounding on the door startled them all, making them jump.   
  
"Xander!"   
  
The human tensed and clentched his jaw. "Guys, bath time, the water's getting cold."   
  
"Xander open the bloody door!"   
  
"Daddy?" Ssol looked toward the front door, unsure or what to do.  
  
"Just ignore it. Bath. Now."   
  
The climbed into the bathtub and Xander knelt on the floor beside it.   
  
"Whelp if you don't open this door in ten seconds I'll. . ."   
  
"What do you think you're doing? Leave that nice boy alone. You probably woke up the little ones!"   
  
"Mind you own ya ol' bag. Xander open up!"   
  
Xander lay his head on the cool porcline tub and steeled himself.   
  
"Daddy?" Yrral asked, touching his hair.   
  
"Wash up guys." He choked out, managing not to sob. "I'll go tell him to be quiet."   
  
"But. . ."   
  
Xander ruffled their hair, "Wash. If you're done with your skin in five minuets I'll wash your hair for you."  
  
They began washing and Xander stood up painfully slow and walked to the front door. Just as Spike kicked it in.   
  
The door slammed into Xander's face and knocked him across the room.   
  
"Shit!" Spike dropped down beside him and helped him sit up, wiping the blood away from his nose. "What the Hell were you doing standing that close to the door?!"   
  
Xander groaned, "Getting ready to open it." He rubbed his injurred nose, "Ouch!"   
  
"It isn't broken."   
  
"No thanks to you!"   
  
"Xan I. . ."   
  
"Why can't you just leave us alone? Haven't you done enough?" He stood, swaying a bit before he got his balance again. "The kids can't take this on again off again stuff. I can't take it!"   
  
"I didn't know! You never told me!"   
  
"You're in love with Buffy! What was I supposed to say? 'Hey now that she's dead, wanna get together and make little demonic babies?'"  
  
"Uh. . . don't think that's anatomically possible pet."   
  
"I'm sure Willow would know a spell." He dismissed then realised he'd gone off track, "But that isn't the point!"   
  
"The point is you love me."   
  
"Yeah." He froze, "Wait. . . Damn it. . . Spike!"   
  
The vampire stepped closer, backing Xander up against the wall. "So tell me now."   
  
"Why? So you can know just how low you can crush me?" He whispered.  
  
Spike growled, "Xander. Tell me."   
  
Xander frowned, tears streaking over his face. "Hey, wanna get together and make little demonic babies." It was spoken so softly Spike barely heard it.   
  
The blond reached out and cupped Xander's chin, lifting his face so their eyes met. He grinned softly and breathed, "I'm sure Willow knows a spell."   
  
"Wha. . ."   
  
"I love you pet." Spike's eyes begged for another chance. "I tried to think of life without you and the li'l bits. . . I couldn't."   
  
"You just got used to us."   
  
He shook his head. "I got to know you. I admired you. Then I wanted you, to be near you. . . then, when I hurt you I realised I would have given everything I was to take the pain off of your face. I realised that when I'm around you, I feel safe. It feels like I'm whole."  
  
"You really need to stop listening in on my stories."   
  
Spike's heart fell. This was it. He'd hurt the boy too much this time.   
  
"Next time you can tell the story." Xander gave him a watery smile.  
  
He had never felt so warm inside. "I have a great one. It's about human warrior and his pack, and a silly blind vampire."   
  
"Does it have a happy ending?"   
  
Spike smiled and caught his mouth in their first real kiss. It was akward and sloppy and broken by laughter, but it was the most passionate thing either of them had ever felt. Spike finally pulled back to let Xander breath. "Whelp?"   
  
"Hm?"   
  
"You promised the kids you'd wash their hair for them."   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Can I lend a hand?"   
  
Xander's smile lit up the whole apartment. "Come on."   
__________________________  
  
Giles ran up the stares to Xander's apartment followed by Buffy and Willow. He cursed the minions that had held them up with each step. If Spike had done anything to the boy he would. . .  
  
"Giles?" Buffy ran up behind him and stared at the broken door. "Oh no."   
  
The four of them rushed into the apartment. "Oh Goddess what if Spike. . ."   
  
"He wouldn't hurt Xander." Buffy insisted.   
  
"But where. . ."   
  
Giles heard a splash from the bathroom and pushed open the door, ready to see the worst.   
  
What he saw was a bleached blond vampire half in and half out of the tub, fully clothed, while three little demons painted his face with soap crayons while Xander stood to the side giggling too hard to help.   
  
The watcher closed the door quietly and crept back to where the others were trying to work out where Spike might have taken them.   
  
"Giles what. . ."   
  
"They're just fine."  
  
"They're here?! Where?! What happened?" Willow babbled and he pointed to the bathroom.   
  
The witch peaked through the keyhole and stood back up, smiling, "Come on." She ushered them out the door. "Giles' right, we can talk to them later."   
  
"But what. . .?"   
  
"I think they worked it out for themselves."   
_________________________  
  
The night shadows slid across the king sized bed and Spike stared at the three sleeping children and the dark haired angel who slept beside him.   
  
"Spike?" Xander whispered. "What's wrong?"   
  
"Nothing."   
  
Xander sat up and looked at the blond carefully. "Can't you sleep? I know the boys roll around a lot. . . "  
  
"C'n sleep just fine pet."   
  
"Then what's wrong?"  
  
He smiled in the dark, "Just counting my blessings. One Two Three Four."  
  
Xander blushed and Spike hugged him tighter.   
  
"And I was thinkin'."   
  
"Huh?" Xander asked, not takeing his face away from where he was burrowing into Spikes embrace.  
  
"Ya think the watcher would like to watch to bits fer a few some time?"   
  
That caused Xander to pause, "Why?"   
  
Spike smirked, "Because. ah'd like ta get started on those little demonic babies you promised me."   
  
He blushed bright red and Spike chuckled quietly. "Well. . ."   
  
"Yeah pet?"  
  
"Could we try for a girl?"  
  
Spike's heart was flooded with love. "Yeah."   
  
"Spike?" Xander yawned.  
  
"Hm?"   
  
"You are so fixing the door tomorrow."   
  
He chuckled. "Yes pet."   
  
"'kay."   
  
Spike hugged his love closer and smiled as Ssol, Yrral and Essej rolled so they were laying in a snug dog-pile on top of their daddies. As the vampire drifted to sleep one word echod in his mind. //home.//  
  
~end~  


* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  



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